Heather D. Heyer

The events of Saturday August 12, 2017 in Charlottesville, Virginia were tragic, sickening, and repulsive. To see neo-Nazis defile the Grounds of my alma mater on Friday was painful enough but to see murder on the downtown mall was appalling.

The next evening, my wife and I attended what we heard would be a candlelight vigil at a downtown park in honor of Heather D. Heyer. We found instead what felt like a political rally attended by the Democratic Socialists (carrying red flags), the International Workers of the World (wearing red T-shirts), Anarchists (carrying black flags), and other groups I didn't identify. There may have been 300 to 500 people milling about - many, like us, unaffiliated and waiting for the vigil to start. The news media was filming and police were monitoring as the organizers wearing red bandanas commenced to give speeches. It didn't feel like a relaxing or inviting environment. I was wary and uncomfortable as I scanned the crowd and assessed the location of traffic barricades. We listened to some of the speeches, but I heard more vehemence aimed at the white supremacy surge than reverence over Ms. Heyer's passing. Candles were eventually lit but we left feeling that the point of the event had been missed. I thought they should have been speaking about Ms. Heyer and had I the presence of mind to step up, maybe this is what I would have said:

We should be talking about Heather D. Heyer. A woman who was standing up against evil: someone’s daughter, someone’s friend and coworker, someone who is gone from this place forever because of a violent act of intolerance. She, like you and I had every right to peacefully speak out, act out, and express herself in these United States of America without fear of physical harm.

            Heather’s fate could easily have been yours or mine in a world where acts of meanness, bullying, aggression, and physical violence have replaced compassion, cooperation, discourse, and peace.

            Rather than marching down the mindless path of aggression that leads to physical violence against individuals and harm to our entire society, members of society must follow the thoughtful and time-honored path of discourse and debate. Yes, it is easier to lash out individually and be destructive than it is to work collaboratively, make concessions, and be constructive. But easier isn't always better. Unfortunately, our Chief Executive either never learned or has forsaken his kindergarten lessons in cooperation and continues to set the worst possible example for others who like him are mired in the misguided mentality of aggression.

            If there is something we all need to Resist, it’s the urge to slip into the morass of conflict, agitation, and violence that is the heartbeat of those striving to undermine our Union.  Each person is responsible for establishing limits on his or her behavior and acting accordingly. An enlightened society imposes limits through discourse and reason. Extreme restrictions can be oppressive and painful but limits that are too loose engender chaos. Ideally, harmonious balance is achieved.  Without limits as defined by law, duty, or morality, we lack structure. Without structure, we risk falling into chaos.
           We need to work together to limit extremism and bridge the many gaps in our vibrant, chaotic, and diverse society. We can overwhelm this evil with a chorus of peaceful protest. We will evolve to be a more perfect Union through peace and cooperation.

Later that evening I with millions of others read President Barak Obama's tweet that quoted a passage from Nelson Mandela:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion..."

Mandela goes on to say:

"People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

I’d like to think that Mandela is right about love coming more naturally than hate. I believe that is true in children who naturally seek affection, comfort, care, and nurturing. Unfortunately, having built our nation on individualism, competition, and getting ahead of the other person, I think we find it necessary as adults to be suspicious and wary of strangers rather than open and inviting. And, while it may be natural to seek love, unfortunately our children learn lessons about bullying, aggression, and conflict from an early age.

Don't let Ms. Heyer's passing be in vain. Show everyone from children to political leaders that you value dialogue, debate, participation, and cooperation within the limits that we've set for ourselves as a society.  Be willing to listen to other points of view and risk having your world view rocked. Participate and express yourself with knowledge, self-confidence, open-mindedness, a willingness to be "wrong," and an appreciation for the strength of diversity. And, don't be cowed by a band of single-minded racists who seek to create an intolerant white supremacist monoculture. Never fear, like any such ecological system, it is doomed to stagnation, weakness, disease, and rot.