Trekking

Prologue

Any good journey starts with a long pull of a worthy ale.  That time a bottle of Sierra Nevada’s Torpedo Extra IPA did just fine.  It’s a calibration of sorts – a bitter benchmark that mingles with the sweat from my brow to infuse the jerky and soda bread with a familiar tang.  My lips caressed the smooth mouth of the bottle with a seductive familiarity.  I reminisced about past intimacies for a moment but checked the sentiment.  Such revelry at the start of a journey can only spell trouble.  I reminded myself that those delicacies had been left behind as I savored the dregs, released an acidic belch, and shouldered my pack.

I’d resupplied, posted some correspondence to ensure the few friends and family who’d be wondering about my whereabouts in lieu of real-time tracking, and sniffed enough of the national idiocy to reaffirm my decision to distance myself from the offal and seek fresher breezes in the wilderness.  Admittedly, this was partially a journey of escape as well as a quest.  On the one hand, I sought to escape the absurdities of 21^st century America.   On the other, I sought a state of mind that would permit me to rise above the petty and ephemeral day-to-day concerns of the world and find that rare and refined summit where one has not a care in the world.  I call that state “bliss,” that other-worldly realm where everything is right in one’s world, where one’s footfalls are a dance not a march, where everything is peaceful and serene.  It’s more than contentment and more than satisfaction.  Awe and ecstasy do it justice but perhaps they overstate the simple essence of being happy.  Surely we needn’t all reach nirvana to find happiness.  No, I wasn’t in search of that rarified state of enlightenment.  I simply sought that unnamed haven of mindful peace where I might someday doff my boots for good.  

Why should you care about this journey dear reader?  You should not.  You should get back to your own life and your personal amalgam of departures and arrivals, running away, running toward, or running in place.  Better yet, focus on your fun and games, dancing, dreams, and discoveries rather than concern yourself with my solo trek in search of something that sages would tell me I could only find within.  Perhaps though, you’ve settled in for the night and are in need of a tale to help you nod off.  Maybe you’re in a sick bed with nothing but this sorry story that you stumbled upon.  Maybe you too have wondered if you would be happier if you’d never known happiness?  Regardless of your motivation to journey with me, I promise to do my best to give you something to think about.  

A journal entry from that evening reads, “Perhaps one day I’ll find the realms of joy, elation, ecstasy, awe and bliss but such thoughts are a distracting fantasy now.  Hard work, lonely days, and many obstacles lie ahead.”

Chapter 1 – The Mudflats of Misery

I passed along mega-mansions standing shoulder to shoulder along some of the most beautiful coast in the world and wondered if all the residents were happy living in such splendor.  No doubt they feel joy in varying degrees at the accomplishment, luck, or other circumstances that landed them in such beautiful homes.  But happiness is only skin deep.  As with all mortals, each one will be susceptible to individual trials and tribulations that produce their own personal forms of unhappiness.  Happiness is the collection of experiences that have meaning for us.  It's not a singular item that we can possess.  It’s a collective and cumulative outcome that is constantly recalculated and reassessed.  There are variables in the equation that have different weights and there are constants.  The joys of one’s life remain fixed and will ever after weight the outcome positively.  At the same time, the sorrows and losses one has suffered will similarly weight the outcome negatively.  How one balances the equation actively (some would say the pursuit of one's destiny) versus how it is influenced by random fate may speak to one’s desire to seek happiness or conversely to succumb to the Mudflats of Misery.

Mired in the Mudflats of Misery.  What a dismal state to be found.  I feel fortunate to have had few encounters with the stinking clinging muck that one must occasionally slog through.  It weighs down each step as the sucking sound of each footstep ushers a waft of disgust, remorse, and regret.  Many find themselves trapped in those odious regions; out beyond the Rivers of Resignation and the Sands of Sadness.

What is one to do when life’s choices and uncontrollable circumstances land one in such a state?

One approach is to not fight it.  Eventually the muck will dry up or wash away.  If we can wait it out patiently we will conserve energy and not make matters worse.  We will also afford ourselves the time to focus on inner pursuits.  One might meditate, fast, pray, or simply observe the physical world from that vantage point.  A review of the circumstances that led one to be entrapped in that muck may be instructive as a means to avoid recurrence.

The drying process will take time and one will be exposed to extreme conditions which may also be uncomfortable or painful.  Fortification is needed to reduce the desiccation, solidification, and ossification of the entrapping conditions.  It will require the endurance of the mountain that waits patiently as change swirls around.  Perhaps help is needed to endure?  Seek nourishment from those who care and can provide love and support.

Conversely, the process of washing the muck away may happen dramatically and severely.  Will it be a hurricane or a flood?  Both will batter the body and threaten to wash you away with the muck you wish to escape.  What will anchor you as the reminders of your misery are washed away?  Friends?  Family?  Social structures like church or work?  These and other external aspects of normality can serve as anchors while you endure the turbulent cleansing of a storm.  Without anchors of some sort you may get swept up in the flood of painful memories that have trapped you as the maelstrom uproots and brings them to the surface or the sun bakes them out only to have them blown in your face.

Perhaps this life’s journey requires such lessons.  Or, for those who resist the notions of fate and predestination, perhaps you will resist and fight.  That’s certainly another tactic.  How will you conduct that exercise?  Will it be planned or reactionary?  Have you training in such enterprises or is it your first such challenge?  Having the desire to fight suggests a will to change and defy the circumstances.  One has assessed the situation and made the conscious choice that – “to hell with this place, I’m out of here!”  How one goes about actively ridding oneself of the offending muck will be influenced by one’s life experiences, knowledge, ingenuity, endurance, resources, and time (for starters).

Recognizing the situation and assessing the options is a necessary 1^st step.  When we’re embedded in the muck, we often don’t realize it.  It may have gradually spread and surrounded us like morning fog.  One’s behavior may have slowly changed in response to the situation without obvious effect – at least from the inside.  Here again, counsel from valued parties can help us recognize the situations we’re in and help us see the need to break free.  Through friends, photographs, writings, and other recollections, one gains perspective and is reminded that it is possible to live in a more pleasant state of mind.  Those memories can serve as navigation beacons away from the Mudflats of Misery.

If it’s a battle that must be waged we must be clear on what we’re fighting and what weapons are appropriate.  More than a physical adversary, we’re more likely to be fighting a battle for survival.  It may be more of a rescue mission than a fight.  Is there a grappling line that can be tossed to firm ground, a solid stone, or a nearby tree?  Better yet, perhaps another soul is within earshot and can be hailed.  When tired of the situation and in need of help, reach out and seek the aid of whoever happens to be nearby.  Chances are that aid will be provided rather than aggression, indifference, or mockery but if the latter has been one’s past experience, it’s unlikely one would wish to risk repeating the situation.

No one nearby?  No grappling hook?  How stuck are you really?  Perhaps you’ve exaggerated your predicament.  It’s an honest mistake.  People have drowned in a foot of water out of ignorance or inopportune orientation.  So assess your options fully and honestly.  This may take some time and perspective.  Observe how things are changing.  Do creatures come and go?  Does debris get washed by?  Is there anything of value within reach?  Are you truly stuck or can you wiggle a bit?  Can you dislodge a foot and make gradual progress towards a change in orientation?  Perhaps there’s something just behind you that’s been overlooked?  Perhaps there’s something buried in the muck that could be of use.  Reach around, dig, explore, work.

Struggling is hard work.  When we struggle it needs to be for a well-defined purpose otherwise we’re wasting energy and hoping for dumb luck.  Some random struggling is inevitable – especially when we’re angry and have the energy.  Some flailing about may have unexpected positive outcomes, but we can also injure ourselves.  At a certain point it may become a fight against fate and success by happenstance may be the only hope so give it a shot, what’s there to lose?

Active effort directed at extraction from the Muds of Misery can help balance the equation.  One is invigorated by action and action leads to hope.  If there were no hope, one would give up (which is different from waiting).

Hope and desire to leave the Mudflats are essential to enduring.  We gain that hope through the recollection that it’s not always been this way, through the observation that others are not universally stuck in the same situations, and through the encouragement of others – either those coincident in time/place or those who have played a significant and positive role in our lives – either personally or indirectly (as I hope this may be).

Extraction can be a long process and entrapment may occur repeatedly but hopefully with practice, each extraction will get easier or we'll avoid the mudflats entirely.