Happiness

A exploration of some ideas on the nature of happiness.

Student:  Professor, I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately.  Why is it, do you think, that some people have difficulty finding it? 

Professor:  Let me make sure I understand your question.  Are you wondering why it is that some people are never happy?  If so, I’d suggest that such a state would constitute an atypical mental attitude that may require a medical or psychological rather than a philosophical answer.

S:  No, that’s not what I meant.  What I mean is, why are some people happier than others?  

P:  Oh, that’s different.  You want to know how many different reasons there may be for one person to be happier than another person.  I’d suggest that you’d be better equipped to answer that than I.  How many pair-wise comparisons can there be in a population of roughly 6 billion people?  That might be a starting point for the number of different reasons there may be.

S:  Ha!  I can’t do that one in my head, but it’s an astronomical number.  I get the point – there may be as many different reasons for one person to be happier than another as there are people.

P:  Not to mention the fact the each person might have a multitude of reasons to be happy or sad depending on the situation at hand.  Perhaps you’d like to try your question again?

S:  Alright, then how about this?  What does it take to be happy?

P:  Much better – that’s a question that I think we can discuss.  Let’s approach an answer systematically.  It’s such a broad and personal subject, as you just demonstrated, that we’ll need to narrow our focus to have a meaningful discourse.  Let’s talk a bit about the word itself and what it means to us.  Then we might explore what it is that brings us happiness or the converse.  And we can discuss a range of human experience from extremes of happiness to extremes of sorrow.  Then we may have some context within which to discuss what it takes to be happy and perhaps, why some people seem generally happier than others.  Just keep in mind that we can’t hope to explain all aspects of human happiness from within the confines of our respective windows on the world.  But let’s open the window and see what we find. 

S:  Fair enough.  Let’s start with the dictionary.  Says here that the word “happy” is derived from the Middle English word “hap” and Old Norse “happ” meaning “luck,” “fortune,” or “chance.”  It appears that many European words for “happy” originally meant “lucky.”  So, when one is fortunate or prosperous and when good things happ-en, people tend to be happ-y.  That seems straightforward enough, right?   

P:  Yes, but it’s not just when good things happen to us.  We can be made happy by doing something nice for another person, by hearing beautiful music, or by any number of external stimuli.  Let’s try to pull out some of the general elements of happiness.  Consider this matrix – perhaps it can provide a starting point for discussion of internal and external sources of happiness.

Form of Expression	Focus of Attention
	Outward – Toward Others	Inward – Toward Self
Mental	Thinking nice thoughts about others, meditation, prayer	Feeling loved, pleasing memories
Physical	Saying nice things to someone, giving a gift, doing something nice for another person	Receiving a gift, receiving praise, hearing a joke, seeing something funny

There are mental and physical forms of expression.  Both mental and physical expressions can be focused either outward toward others or inward toward ourselves.  We can think of reasons to be happy based on memories of past events, relationships, lessons, songs, places, philosophical or religious perception, awareness of loving friends and family, contentment for one’s quality of life and health, and other internalized perceptions.  These fall in the inward mental quadrant.

We can also be receptive to physical acts that bring us happiness like receiving love or praise from another, receiving a gift, or winning a prize.  Such events fall into an inward physical quadrant. 

Similarly, outward expressions - things we think about others or do for others can make us happy.  We’re happy when we fall in love or feel love and affection toward another (outward mental quadrant).   And, saying something nice to someone else, successfully completing a task, winning a race, scoring well on a test, or savoring a fine meal can bring happiness (outward physical quadrant). 

S:  That makes sense.  What about people who are happy being aimless, unstructured and spontaneous?

P:  That would fall into the internal mental - if that sort of thinking makes them happy, then who’s to argue?

S:  Then what about people who are unreceptive to external niceties – maybe they just don’t want to be cheered up?

P:  Well, our quadrants are devoted to happiness-generating situations so we don’t have a place for them at the moment.

S:  And what about people who find pleasure in other’s pain?

P:  We can’t hope to account for all the nuances of human experience when it comes to something as subjective to happiness.  And I’d suggest that we not attempt to incorporate aberrant mental attitudes in our current thought exercise.  These four simple categories may be generally but not universally applicable – every individual will have his or her own subtleties, but in simplest terms it would appear that we either create happiness from within or something external stimulates happiness and those happy thoughts can either be directed outward toward others or inward towards us.  It may be equally instructive to think about things that make us unhappy and then consider if we are happy when the converse applies:

•  If the loss of loved ones, either permanent or temporary makes us sad, then, reinforcing loving relationships should bring happiness which could fall in either of the physical quadrants as giving and receiving love;
•  If we’re unhappy when our plans are thwarted or our objectives, hopes, and dreams are dashed, then achieving said objectives should bring happiness.  Completing a challenging task falls in the outwardly physical quadrant;
• Most people are unhappy when they’re injured or ill; so being hale and robust should make us happy which falls in the inward mental quadrant; and
•  When people are unfriendly or uncooperative we tend to be less happy than when they are cordial and helpful which falls in the inwardly-directed physical quadrant.

S:  OK, I follow and that makes sense but what about the temporal aspect?  It seems to me that we can be “happy” and “sad” from moment to moment.   We might be annoyed by the buzzing of the mosquitoes, but we’re not going to let them ruin our vacation – we’ll drink a little more rum and button up our collars!

P:  True, from my experience, when I’m happy, minor irritations have less of an impact but they can be distracting and cause me to flip flop from being happy about whatever activity is occurring to being chagrined about some nagging frustration.  When I’m extremely happy though, I may be entirely oblivious to annoyances that might otherwise cause me to be blue or sad.

S:  I remember being at a funeral home for the visitation for a friend’s wife.  Clearly it was a terribly sad time for him but I and others with me were able to produce a few smiles and even a laugh or two when we talked and compared stories.  Not that we made him “happy” but I believe we were able to bring a little “happiness” to him at that extremely difficult time.  Of course, he had to be receptive to what we said for it to be effective and it likely only lasted a short while, but I find it interesting how people are able to flip the emotional switch so quickly between happiness and sadness.

P:  Speaking of flipping from one side to the other – what would you say is the middle ground.  Is ‘contentment’ half way between the extremes of happiness and sadness?

S:  I’d put ‘contentment’ on the positive side with happiness and ‘resignation’ on the negative side with sadness.  When I’m content, I feel satisfied with the way things are and consider myself to be happy.  I may be able to do certain things to increase my degree of happiness, but if no action is taken, I can remain content.  Resignation on the other hand implies a degree on unhappiness that one is forced to accept.

P:  Assuming that there is a continuum between extremes of happiness and sadness, what’s the middle point if not contentment?  Let’s map out some steps between the two extremes and see what we find:

1.     Bliss – we’ll call this the epitome of happiness – nirvana – let’s say a spiritual ideal – rarely attained

2.     Awe - Birth of a child, grandeur of Nature, speechlessness

3.     Ecstasy – loving emotional devotion, euphoria

4.     Elation – Shared peak moments – once in a lifetime,

5.     Joyful – challenging personal goals achieved, victory 

6.     Happy – sharing joy with family and friends,

7.     Satisfaction – routine deeds well done, accomplishments

8.     Amusement - jokes, entertainment, farts (sometimes)

9.     Contentment – pleasantly at ease, more positive than negative,

10. Tranquility – yin/yang – transition – a pool of water

11. Uncomfortable – not at ease – more negative than positive

12. Irritation/annoyance – mosquitoes, poison ivy, farts (other times)

13. Resignation – putting up with an annoyance and moving on (noisy neighbor, barking dog, dickhead boss)

14. Sadness – reprimands, arguments, fights

15. Pain/suffering – physical injuries – minor to severe

16. Depression – loss of job, divorce, extreme stress

17. Grief/Misery – emotional separation and aloneness, loss of loved one

18. Torture – extremely agonizing mental and physical ordeal

19. Despair – the depths of spiritual loss – no hope of salvation

Returning to your original question, well – the third iteration, your question seems to be, “how is it that some people tend to stay in the first 9 categories more than the bottom 9.  Naturally, from time to time, we all cycle through various aspects of this continuum – hopefully more on the positive side than the negative.

S:  I suppose, but just thinking about my own experience, and I consider myself to be a generally positive and happy person, I feel like I hang out in the “contented” category most of the time.  I find it hard to imagine that too many people spend most of their time being blissed out.  I’d think someone like that was on drugs or something.  I’ve experienced a range of happy emotions and if someone asked if I’m “happy” I’d say, “yes” but I probably wouldn’t say I’m ecstatic or even joyful all the time.  I think we jump in and out of these discreet categories depending on the situation – like the mosquito or the comedian – various external stimuli produce responses that we find either amusing or annoying.

P:  But what about the internal stimuli?  What about your personal mindset and your ability to find something to be happy about internally?

S:  It sounds like you’re referring to an optimist versus a pessimist.

P:  Sure – if you don’t have it within yourself to be happy, what good will some external stimuli do?  It may distract you for a moment, but when it’s over, won’t you revert to your normal grumpy self?  And, if you’re normally cheerful, then won’t a temporary bit of grief be overcome eventually by your positive outlook on life?  Are optimistic people just happier than pessimists?

S:  Not if the pessimist is happy being miserable.

P:  Well, perhaps you’ve known people like that, but let’s hope those are just temporary setbacks.  I think a key to being happy is to simply want to be happy.  Perhaps Eric Idle’s Life of Brian song sums it up well enough:  “Always look on the bright side of life.”  Another key might be to simply enjoy or appreciate the moment, whether it’s a brief taste of ecstasy or a simple satisfaction.  A third key is to look for happiness in other dimensions of the world around you.  As Mark Twain said,

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you

didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Another strategy, for when life tosses that occasional curve ball is to take your mind off it by turning the tables on fate and do something nice for someone else.  As the Chinese proverb says: 

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.

If you want happiness for a month — get married

If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.

S:  All sound advice, but not so encouraging for a happy long-term marriage unless you’re planning to be helpful to that special someone else!

P:  Naturally!  And if we were all helpful to others, imagine what a happy place this could be.